


It's Nothing

by startrekkingaroundasgard



Series: Pride Prompts 2020 [6]
Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Torchwood
Genre: Asexual Character, Coming Out, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Sex, Insecurity, M/M, Minor Jack Harkness/Ianto Jones, Pansexual Character, Self-Doubt, The Hub (Torchwood)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:47:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24641119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/startrekkingaroundasgard/pseuds/startrekkingaroundasgard
Summary: Based on the request: Jack Harkness comforts the reader when she tells him she thinks she broken, and then she comes out as asexual
Relationships: Jack Harkness & Reader
Series: Pride Prompts 2020 [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1768873
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	It's Nothing

"Been quite the week, eh?" 

You hummed in agreement. That was certainly one way to describe it. You expected that to be the end of the conversation but Jack continued to hover around your work station, reading the screens over your shoulders. Normally the silence wouldn't bother you - in fact it was so rare around The Hub that you often welcomed the quiet break from the regular insanity - but today it felt oppressive, as if the words unspoken sat heavily on your chest. 

Ever since that parasite from Feratchi Five had infected the team, things had been weird. And, for a group of people that dealt with alien insects and cannibals and war faring intergalactic nations on a daily basis, that was a fairly drastic statement to make. 

"Are we gonna talk about it or do you plan on ignoring the elephant in the room all day?"

A quick scan of the Hub confirmed that everyone else had gone home and you were alone with Jack. You knew it was a perfectly valid response to wave him away. He'd accept your word, even if he knew it was a lie, and let you go about distracting yourself however you best saw fit. However, if you did that, then this awful feeling, the one you'd pushed down and hidden from for so long, would continue to gnaw away at your insides and leave you feeling more empty and more alone than ever.

With a deep sigh, hoping to cover your anxiety with a show of indifference, you twisted round to him and leant back in your chair. Mirroring his posture, arms crossed softly over your chest, you said lightly, "Give me your best speech about how everything will be fine. Ianto said you've been practising. I'm ready."

"I'm worried about you, Y/N. Ever since the Feratchi worm, you've been acting strangely. I know it was… _awkward_ for everyone but we're all adults."

"You don't get it, Jack."

"Tell me, then. Help me understand."

If only it were that easy. The Feratchi outbreak hadn't been any ordinary disease. You could have coped with that; with the number of alien colds you had caught in this job, your immune system was at its absolute peak efficiency. Having the sniffles and coughing up blue phlegm would have almost been a blessing. 

The Feratchi parasite acted differently. It infected the brain and increased dopamine signalling along with GABA and norepinephrine production in the host, as well as spiking testosterone and estrogen levels. Combined with a redirected flow of blood from the prefrontal cortex and a healthy dose of alien hormones, the worm reduced the function for rational higher thought and elicited extreme emotional and physical responses from the infected. 

In short, it made anyone infected super horny and jump on the first person that they found sexually attractive. There hadn't been any real malintent behind it, no evil plan to foil, and it eventually just left the system after a few orgasms but the damage was done. 

Understandably, it had been quite a shock to come into work last month and find half the team at it over the computer consoles while the others had at least had the sense of mind to move down to the cells for a little privacy. You saw more of your teammates than you'd ever imagined you would. 

The days that followed were full of groggy memories and a heavy sense of embarrassment. The team exchanged sly smiles, aware of what happened but unable to fully remember the exact series of events. Things had returned to normal over the following weeks for everyone except you. 

Because the parasite hadn't affected you the same way. You'd been infected, the bio-scans confirmed as much, exactly the same genetic makeup as the strain that infected the others, but you'd not felt a single urge to take off your clothes and shag the nearest body. Tosh, who you cared for more than anyone else in the team, had all but thrown herself at you and you'd felt nothing other than a healthy dose of uncomfortable confusion. 

You hadn't mentioned it to anyone. After all, they couldn't remember who had done what with who so it was easier to just smile along and pretend that everything was fine. Even though the truth was far from that. While everyone else had been grunting and thrusting, leaving a right mess over the workstations, you'd felt a hole in your chest and a shadow had fallen across your shoulders, weighing you down. 

Still waiting for an answer, Jack reached out and touched your arm. You jumped at the sudden contact, more lost in your thoughts than you had realised. Smiling weakly, too scared of what awful truth you might reveal if you admitted all of that to Jack, you said, "It's nothing."

"Did something… Did someone hurt you?"

"Please just drop it, Jack." You pushed off your chair and crossed the Hub to the weapons locker. The inventory had only been done last week but you couldn't bear to sit still any longer. The distraction, the systematic logic of logging each number, would do you good.

Unfortunately, your insistence to avoid this conversation only made Jack more eager to follow it through. He followed you, the silence that met him visibly testing his self control. When it inevitably became too much for him to hold back, Jack pleaded, "Tell me what happened, Y/N."

"Nothing happened!" you hissed, clawing your hands down your face. "That's the whole point! While you lot were going at it like rabbits, I was sat in the lab running tests and trying to block out the noise."

"So you weren't infected then?"

You shook your head. "Ran all the tests multiple times. Came up with new tests to make sure. The worm got me just like it did you guys."

"Then why…"

"I'm broken." 

"Y/N -"

"No. That's the only explanation. You can science it however you want but when it came down to it, everyone else was blinded by their passions and I felt nothing. Not a single little flicker of attraction to any of you, to anyone at all. And I never have."

Breathing those particular words into existence brought tears to your eyes. You continued through them, unable to stop now that you'd begun. "I always thought that it was just one of those things that people exaggerated, that I'd feel something eventually. But then this happened and still nothing. Everyone else got that bright, burning fire and I just felt a cold emptiness. I've always known that there was something wrong with me and now I know for sure." 

Jack pulled you into a hug, using his entire body to surround you and protect you from the harsh reality. He held you as you wept into his shirt, eventually stepping back to wipe your eyes. He set you down on the nearest step and rubbed circles on your back. 

"You're not broken, Y/N."

"You wouldn't understand how it feels. You fancy anything on two legs."

"It's not really the number of legs that I'm fussy about." Jack's expression grew wistful and you would be forever grateful that he decided not to regale you with intimate details from one of his stranger encounters. Even he seemed to realise that now wasn't the time. 

You still rolled your eyes, point proven either way. "That's what I mean. You feel… _things._ Lots of things, apparently. I never have and never will."

"That's okay, you know. There are people all over the galaxy that are asexual. They don't feel physical attraction and that's perfectly normal. Doesn't make you any less of a person. And if you actually do wanna have sex with someone then I've got a list around somewhere, sorted from best to worst, and you wouldn't believe some of things that a Bolian can do with their tongue."

"Jack."

"Not helping?"

You shrugged. His particular brand of support was at times a little off the mark but today it was actually what you needed to hear. You'd come across the term 'asexual' before, felt a strange wave of relief as you read about other people's experience. To hear Jack use the term so casually, with so much acceptance, was all you wanted today. 

Of course, the dark doubts weren't going to just vanish with a few kind words but the weight on your chest had lessened enough that you now longer felt like you were struggling for every single breath. 

"Fancy joining me and Ianto for a drink?"

"I'm good. Thank you, Jack."

"You know we love the company."

"I didn't mean for the invite."

Jack smiled and pressed a kiss to your temple. He jumped to his feet, pulling you up in the same graceful movement. "Anytime. And next time you need to chat? Come find me. Doesn't matter what it's about, okay? You're not alone, Y/N."

"I know. Go, enjoy your night with Ianto. I'll see you bright and early tomorrow."

"Not too early, I hope!" He threw on his coat and sauntered away, every flat surface a catwalk for him. Before he passed the threshold, he turned back and shot you a final glance to check that you weren't about to burst into tears again. Convinced that you weren't, he waved his final goodbye. "Night, Y/N."

"Night, Jack."


End file.
